Yasser Arafat, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a Psychic about the date of his death.
Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds the answer:
"You will die on a Jewish holiday."
"Which one?" Arafat asks nervously.
"It doesn't matter," replied the psychic. "Whenever you die, it'll be a Jewish holiday."
A man called his mother in Florida. He said to his mother, "How are you doing?"
She said, "Not too good. I've been very weak."
The son then asked, "Why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son then asked, "How come you haven't eaten in 38 days?"
She said, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food when you called."
Three guys are about to be executed and they are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.
The Italian responds, Peperoni Pizza, which he is served and then executed.
The Frenchmen requests a Filet Mignon, which he is served and then executed.
The Jew requests a plate of strawberries.
"But they are out of season!"
"So, nu, I'll wait...."
Rabbi Friedman, quite Orthodox, did a double-take: there in the restaurant, clearly visible through the large window, was the president of his congregation. And yes, that was a bowl of clam chowder the waitress was setting before him.
As the rabbi watched in horror, the main dish, jumbo shrimp wrapped in bacon was set down next. Oblivious to the rabbi's disgusted visage, the president ate his way through his dinner.
As he left the restaurant, the rabbi accosted him saying: "You, you of all people, leader of the congregation, supposed to be an example, how could you eat such traife!?"
The president asked: "You saw me eat the soup? And the shrimp?"
"Yes, and yes" came the reply.
"Then there is no problem. I ate my food under Rabbinical supervision."
Submitted by reader M.K.